I feel old

Today, I reached the milestone age of 65. I am now an old git who is grumpy all the time. Actually, I have been that for ages, but that is what 31 years of Labour governments does to a chap!

It looks like Nigel has recovered

It looks like Nigel Farage has recovered from his plane crash. Here are his comments on the "State of the EU" speech by Barroso

Disaster looms on the Web

This news had escaped me until I read my Computing magazine today.

Apparently Gordon Brown has been given a position on the board of the World Wide Web Foundation. Should we open a book as to when the whole Web comes crashing down around us?

I would like to volunteer!

In the famous words of Corporal Jones, "I would like to volunteer, Sah!"

It turns out that, even if you wear the skimpiest of thongs, it is impossible to get a uniform all over suntan, because the bum has thicker skin than the rest of the body, and therefore does not tan so well. If any further research is needed, I am willing to put my scientific training to good use and aid the research team, but only if the research guinea pigs are nubile young ladies!

If only this had been Mad Hatty!

A wonderful picture of the new West British Australian Prime Minister has appeared. It appears she might be as gaffe prone as our recently departed Dear Leader!

There are still cretins out there

In the latest opinion polls, the Coalition Budget seems to have gone down, if not well at least as accepted that there was a need for it. However, while the Conservative share of the vote has increased, the Liberal share of the vote has gone down remarkably, but even more surprising the Labour share has gone up. This can only mean one thing:

THERE ARE STILL MANY, MANY CRETINS OUT THERE

He has gone

No explanation necessary. Here is some celebratory music:

You bloody fools!

To everyone who did not vote Tory on May 6th, there is only one way to describe you. A BLOODY FOOL.

While I respect the right of anyone to have an opinion, I DO NOT necessarily respect that opinion itself. I think that anyone who could not see how dangerous for the country anything but a Tory majority would be at the present time, even with Wavy Davy in charge, is a BLOODY FOOL.

The Dear Leader's Latest Pledges

The Dear Leader is trying to emulate Phoney Tony by making 5 pledges that will be instantly broken in the unfortunate event of him being elected. There is no meat on the bones so it seems only fair to help him out by adding a few contents.

Secure the recovery

We will attempt to sort out the mess we have made of the economy and, in the process, bugger it up even more.

Raise family standards

Except when you:

• Work in the private sector
• Drive a car
• Enjoy a pint
• Eat food not approved by Nanny
• Go on holiday

Build a high tech economy

We will cover the entire country in windmills, except in Layabout voting areas.

Protect frontline services

Yeah, right!

my.telegraph.co.uk/the_locksmith/blog/20...

Strengthen fairness in the community

We don't want all those poor hard done by benefit scroungers having to do any work, they may not have the energy left to vote for us. We will just pile a few more taxes on those mugs who are prepared to work for a living.

Nigel again

This time, being less than kind to the European 'president' van Rumpy Pumpy!