Doctor Bollocks

Most people know the Dear Leader is an overweening incompetent when it comes to running a country, an economy or a whelk stall, but did you know he is a Doctor of Philosophy? He was awarded (blagged) a Ph.D. on the subject of 'The Labour Party and Political Change in Scotland 1918-29' . The results of this study are, of course, as much use in the real world as a chocolate teapot.

To start the New Year of with a swing, I think we should suggest some equally useful subjects for Ph.D. projects. My suggestion is as follows:-

"Subject:

A study of auditory experience of flatus in a dermatological aqueous detergent solution

Abstract:

This study tests the hypothesis that the noises made by a fart in the bath depends on the food consumed to source the gas. A series of experiments was carried out using volunteers who consumed solely baked beans or brussel sprouts or chicken vindaloo. Their ablutions were monitored for audio volume and tone of the fart bubbles. It was concluded that there was no correlation between food consumed and audio volume or tone of the farts in the bath. However, a strong correlation between tone and volume and the juxtaposition of buttocks, thighs and (where appropriate) dangly bits was noted. The results also suggest that a further study should be made as to the filtering effect of bath water on farts with respect to global warming"

Notes;

That last sentence should provide provide another three years funding for research into AGW

I am sure some amongst you bloggers can come up with more imaginative research projects to waste money on as well. Any ideas? A subject would be good, and an abstract even better..

The broom closet

MacDoom really is trying to convince the world he IS a one-eye Scottish idiot. Here he is leading Gore the Bore into what might well be the broom cupboard!



Nicked from Guido Fawkes

Read this, Gordon, you moron

It appears that at least some people know how to get out of recession. The Swedish Government are proposing an income tax cut, and a cut in public spending to boost employment in the private sector.

Are you reading this, Gorgon, or your puppet Alistair? Or even David Cameron or Georgie Porgie Osborne?

Blubber power

I saw this story linked to from Theo Spark's blog Last of the Few.

It appears some cosmetic surgeon is being investigated for using the blubber extracted from his clients during liposuction to make bio-diesel to power his 4x4.

It seems to me that the government (that's a laugh calling that shambles a government) has missed a trick here. If everyone were compulsorily weighed once a month, and everyone whose Body Mass Index exceeded goverment targets was forced to undergo liposuction, then any supposed fossil fuel problem would be over! Think of all the other advantages:

• Gormless Gordon could get on with the job of saving the world
• Badger Darling could raises tax on peoples' own blubber (plus VAT at 15%)
• Jackboot Jacqui could be even more draconian and make life even worse for hard-working families (chavs would be exempt from the process, of course)
• Health Gauleiter Johnson could make the health fascists feel even more smug

Every one wins, except for the Great British Public, naturally!