I would like to volunteer!

In the famous words of Corporal Jones, "I would like to volunteer, Sah!"

It turns out that, even if you wear the skimpiest of thongs, it is impossible to get a uniform all over suntan, because the bum has thicker skin than the rest of the body, and therefore does not tan so well. If any further research is needed, I am willing to put my scientific training to good use and aid the research team, but only if the research guinea pigs are nubile young ladies!