Blubber power

I saw this story linked to from Theo Spark's blog Last of the Few.

It appears some cosmetic surgeon is being investigated for using the blubber extracted from his clients during liposuction to make bio-diesel to power his 4x4.

It seems to me that the government (that's a laugh calling that shambles a government) has missed a trick here. If everyone were compulsorily weighed once a month, and everyone whose Body Mass Index exceeded goverment targets was forced to undergo liposuction, then any supposed fossil fuel problem would be over! Think of all the other advantages:

• Gormless Gordon could get on with the job of saving the world
• Badger Darling could raises tax on peoples' own blubber (plus VAT at 15%)
• Jackboot Jacqui could be even more draconian and make life even worse for hard-working families (chavs would be exempt from the process, of course)
• Health Gauleiter Johnson could make the health fascists feel even more smug

Every one wins, except for the Great British Public, naturally!

Oh what a surprise!

It appears that the goverment (and I used that term in its loosest possible sense) has been fibbing yet again. It turns out that windmills will not be the answer to a maiden's prayer after all and we shall still have to use coal and nuclear power 

ABSOLUTE BLOODY CRAP

England were duly thrashed by South Africa at Twickenham today 6-42. South Africa were good, much better than Australia last week BUT, England were even worse than they were last week. They were absolute crap. One or two England players made some effort but most just seemed to be on autopilot!

After the match, Jonno was saying we are working on the problems and all the usual platitudes, but the fact remains that some of the England team are way past their sell-by date and some are just not good enough. Also, good player though he is, Steve Borthwick is no captain. We need another captain of Jonno's ability.

The other problem seems to be discipline. So many stupid penalties given away. It is about time that consistent penalty offenders had their match fee reduced in proportion to the number of penalties given away! Drastic action is needed.

All I can say is "BUGGER, BUGGER, BUGGER"

At least we can see who supports South Africa, where is Erica Roe when you need her?

Here we go again in 2008

After a false dawn last week, the England Rugby Union team proved, once again, that they are not well organised. They lost 14-28 to a reasonable but not briliiant Australian side who were also helped by rather a lot of strange decisions by the Southern Hemisphere ref from South Africa!

None the less, England were outplayed and while there is some excuse for the younger members of the side due to inexperience, some of the older members of the team played really badly. Jonno has a big task on his hands, methinks!

Just desserts

I have been away with Mrs MikeyP for a while, taking a long holiday in the USA to celebrate my retirement with a livable pension. 

Therefore, we had not heard about the furore concerning Woss and Bwand and their idiotic answerphone "pwank" on Andrew Sachs. All I can say is that they are both total tossers, and vastly overpaid for what little talent they have, or at least display.

I think that they have not yet received their full just desserts, which would be to be expunged from everyone's memory and end up doing a lowly paid job as no-one else would employ them. Unfortunately, given the attention span of the Great British Public, I don't expect that to happen any day now!

Micawber or Mugabe

I can never decide whether Gordon Brown reminds me of Mr Micawber or Robert Mugabe

One was always waiting for something to turn up and hoping for the best and the other stole all the assets from hardworking people to reward all his cronies, who promptly went and wasted them.

On second thoughts, he seems like a combination of the two, but maybe without the charisma!

Witches and Wizards

It appears that JK Rowling has finally become unhinged by all that dosh she has earned from what I think are very boring and weird books, and has donated a million squids to ZanuLabour. All I can say is that we knew what to do with witches and wizards in the good old days!

Visceral hatred

I do not do hatred normally. BUT, Gordon Brown invokes such a visceral hatred in me for how he has ruined this country that I hope that capital punishment for treason is re-instated and he is the first to be tried under the new regime.

The only other politicians who come close to creating such emotion in me are Tony Blair, who was only really the Snot Goblin's mouthpiece anyway and Edward Heath, who lied about joining a Common Market, instead of a fascist socialist superstate.

There have been plenty of other incompetent Labour Prime Ministers (all of them actually) but none of the others have deliberately tried to sell the country out to foreign interests.

Now what are they up to?

My good lady and I went on holiday to Cornwall recently, and, rather than my usual modes of transport, i.e. driving or flying (UP YOURS, GORE), we travelled by coach, so I had more time to pay attention to more than just the traffic. On the motorways I noticed some newish signs consisting of the motorway number, and what seemed to be distance markers, but using METRIC distances.

A bit of Googling told me that these signs are used by the emergency services to locate accidents and breakdowns, and that seems very sensible. The only thing is, I could not find confirmatIon that the distances were in miles.

Is this yet another bit of this despicable government's trying to force on the Great British unwashed yet something else they have expressed no desire for, using stealth?

The latest greenie bollocks

It turns out that someone has done a PROPER study of the benefits of using windpower to generate electricty. Suprisingly, the results are published on the BBC website, not normally known for its debunking of green myths.

Basically, they are saying that putting a wind turbine on your roof will save you approximately £10-00 a year. As the initial cost of such a turbine is £1500 it takes 150 years for the thing to pay for itself. I don't suppose any of the wind power loonies are going to say anything about that!

Another example of MacTwattery

Only a buffoon like Gordon Brown would choose to go on holiday in a part of the country where his wunnerful government (I use that word in it's loosest possible sense) is abandoning the coast to the sea, because they cannot afford to shore it up AND bribe lots of ex-Labour voters to vote for them again. How I hate and despise that man!

Read all about it here

This is where Brown should be heading

The bastard has sent the ratification of the Lisbon Constitution Treaty to Rome, so, to the Tower with him, and Off With His Head

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day to any American surfer who should come across this blog.

In spite of what some goons in this country say, the majority of people are only too happy to deal with you. You do do many things wrong, from driving on the wrong side of the road upwards, you do do so much right as well. You vote a slightly wonky president into power, but we voted (not) a complete imbecile to be our Glorious Leader.

I hope you all enjoy your day. The Missus and I are meeting up with my son and American daughter-in-law later today, and we shall have a good time.

More rubbish

Just watched England being thrashed in the last cricket ODI by a no better than average New Zealand side. I don't think Jonah MacBogey had turned to support hem (It was England, after all) so why the hell did they play so bloody badly?

I think it is time to start paying, or not paying, professional sportsmen and women by results!

It will soon be illegal to be a white Englishman

It would appear that Harridan Harperson, ZanuLabour harpie of some renown, is preparing the ground to make being a white Englishman an offence, or at least a taxable item (I don't suppose it will apply to the so-called Celtic races, even though nearly all of them are of the same basic stock i.e. Scandinavian, as many English) . Time to change government and government thinking completely, methinks, not just watered down Blue Labour!

What's wrong with you all?

That is what out of touch junior minister Tom Harris asked?

If he has to ask, he has not got a clue. Let's see now:

• We have a bunch of self-serving, mendacious, treacherous buffoons running the country
• The alternative to the above bunch are only slightly better
• Our economy has been ruined over the last 10 years
• Our education system has been ruined over the last 10 years
• Our armed forces have been ruined over the last 30 years (Yes even Maggie is guilty here)
  
• We are being made to feel guilty for even existing, if we are English WASPs
• Our taxes are being wasted hand over fist by a bunch of corrupt incompetents in this country and in the EU
• Our leaders are trying to subsume our identity into a European one

Is that enough to be going on with. I am sure anyone with a brain out there could add some more. Doh!

Thank you

Thank you Ireland, for telling the Eurofascists where to stick their constitution treaty.

About to go on a short break to Wales

Going to see Portmeirion (The Village) and the Ffestiniog Railways amongst other goodies. Both the MemSahib and myself are looking forward to it. Might even have a few pictures later, who knows?

UPDATE:
We had a great time. Went on both the Ffestiniog and Welsh Highland Railway, and went inside Electric Mountain to see the Dinorwig Pumped Storage Hydroeletric power station. The Village was very good too, but I did not see any signs of Rover, the rampant weather balloon! I forgot my camera, but took some video.

Yabba Dabba Doo

After the Nantwich and Crewe by-election result, the great Bogeyman seems to be presiding over the terminal decline of the Labour Party. It does not matter if people voted for Boy Dave Cameron or not (and I suspect an increasing number did), the main point is that they did not vote for a NuLabour apparatchik of the worst kind.

Roll on the General Election. There are still many things wrong with the Tories, but at least they appear to be on the same planet as the rest of us.

A great shame

On Sunday, in the Premiership semi-final, Danny Cipriani, the up and coming Wasps and England fly half, received an horrific injury when he was double tackled and the maul fell on top of him. He suffered a fracture dislocation of his right ankle, which is immensely painful and takes a long time to heal, even with immediate and specialist medical attention. This means he is out of the Premiership final and the forthcoming England tour. I hope he recovers as quickly as possible, and is back playing the game once he is ready.

When I played Rugby, many years ago, a friend of mine suffered a similar injury. It was horrible, as his foot was almost pointing backwards. He never played again, but he did take up refereeing, and pinged me many times, the bastard!

My best wishes goes to Danny and all others injured playing this most beautiful of games.

Labour's new mantra

AFter all the gerrymandering of the last decade, I think it is time that Labour had a new mantra. No longer is it "From each according to his means, to each according to his needs" (which, although well-meaning, is a load of tosh) but should be "From each according to what we says his means are, to each according to his vote!"

I hate socialism, but I despise New Labour

The beginning of the end for El Gordo.

Let us hope that the recent results in the local and London mayoral elections mark the beginning of the end for the snot-gobbling Scottish bogey man and his evil cohorts.

The trouble is, while the Conswervatives will undoubtedly do a better job of running the country and its capital than ZanuLabour, they are hardly the eurosceptic, tax cutting party that this country needs to regain any chance of being successful again.

Still, isn't it wonderfully ironic that some countries celebrate May 2nd as St Boris Day? Maybe this should be the early May bank holiday in the UK from now on!

Brown would lose to Cameron

That ever observant and perceptive twat Tony Blair has been put on record as saying that Brown will lose to Cameron in a general election. Gosh, really, surely not? Brown would lose if his main opponent was Mickey Mouse, because he is an even bigger twat than Blair.

The trouble is that Cameron is not really a suitable guy to get the country out of the huge mess the last 10 years of Labour Government have put it in. All he could honestly say, given the policies and initiatives he has proposed so far, is "Under the Conservatives, life will be slightly less awful for normal, hard-working folks and slightly less cushy for work-shy benefit scroungers".

That is not good enough in my book, but you never know, he may see the light if he gets into No. 10. We can but hope!

Please, MyTelegraph

I have another blog on MyTelegraph that I use more or less exclusively for ranting about the auto-eroticists who would rule us. At the moment, it is a total disaster. It keeps going down, losing posts and comments, swapping IDs and goodness knows what else.

The techies keep saying they are working with Microsoft to get it working properly. I say to them, "Please, pretty, pretty, please, forget Microsoft, take the whole site down for a couple of days, and install a LAMP system. (Linux, Apache, MySQL, PHP)

Take the hint, Gordy

Bertie Ahern has resigned to avoid investigations into corruption in Ireland. One down, lets us hope one to go!

Mikey's got a brand new toy

Managed to get an Asus eee PC 4G over the weekend. It is a very nice little bit of kit, allowing you to surf and work anywhere. Will not be blogging much for a while thanks to this little toy.

Read all about it here

There is hope for England Rugby

While most of the present England XV seem well past their sell-by date, the U20 team has just won the U20 Grand Slam by beating the very good Irish U20 team handsomely. The players all seem very skilled and very keen, as do the coaching staff. Cannot wait until they all get their chance in the senior side.

Update
So England were not so bad as feared and managed a reasonable win against an Irish side not really firing on all cylinders. All the best players were the younger ones!

USELESS BLOODY ENGLAND

Scotland 15 England 9 Calcutta Cup

What excuse do England have this time? What does Ashton say to inspire them? You might as well play an amateur 2nd XV. At least they might play as a team!

Scotland were pretty bad, but they did not need to be good, because England were complete and total CRAP!

Time for a lot of bloodletting at team selection, from the coach downwards. I would rather see players who are maybe not quite so individually talented, but are prepared to play as a team!

Also, it is about time to start fining players who give away needless penalties, or keep kicking possession away to no purpose, their match fee!

Why, oh why?

Why didn't England play against Wales as they played against France? If they had done, they would have beaten them easily, and would be leading the 6 Nations table. Still, I think Wales might get their comeuppance against Ireland and France. I do hope so, because I am old enough to remember their arrogance during the 70's!

Will no-one rid us of this turbulent priest?

"Will no-one rid us of this turbulent priest?" to mis-quote King Henry, talking about the Archbishop of Canterbury. Someone needs to do it, though it is probably best not to use the same method as was used to remove Thomas a'Beckett from office.

If it looks like a superannuated hippie, walks like a superannuated hippie and talks like a superannuated hippie, then it is a superannuated hippie.

As this man's one aim in life seems to be to lay back and let the world sweep over him and be at peace, man, he is not suitable to be head of the CofE. I am NOT in any way religious but I do recognise that the Christian way of life is a sensible way to go and sharia law is NOT!

It is not just his pronouncement on sharia law that is so ridiculous, but almost everything he says. He has to go!

Here we go again!!!

Once again, the England Rugby XV have managed to give away another game. Leading 19-3 at half time (it should have been 26-3 but for a dodgy video ref decision) they gave Wales every chance by giving away lots of stupid penalties and allowing them to score soft tries. I think the players should be paid by results, i.e. not paid when they give in so shamefully.

There must be something wrong at the RFU, when they cannot work out a way to let the best coach in the country, i.e. Shaun Edwards, coach part-time. Wales seemed to have managed it.

Furthermore, they will not let us sing a National Anthem, so we have to sing the dirge of the UK one instead. Get it together you guys, or give way for people who care!

Merchant Banker

So, Tony Bliar has been given a part time job with an American bank. Well, he always was a merchant banker. For those who do not understand, I can only say one thing. "Apples and pears!"

Happy New Year

A Happy New Year to all my readers (if there are any :-). It would be an even happier New Year if Bottler MacBean were to be abducted by aliens. As well as ridding us of the scumbag, it might well also defer any potential extra-terrestrial alien invasion, if the aliens thought that the Tartan Tax Thief was a typical human being!